Connect with humanity

This next tip may feel a little woo woo but, trust me, there is real science behind it.

Whenever you go through a stressful period or time of hardship, take a moment to check in on how you’re feeling. Which of the following best describes how you are feeling?

1. I tend to feel like most other people are happier than I am
2. I tend to feel like other people must be having an easier time of it
3. I remind myself that there are lots of other people in the world feeling like I am
4. I see these difficulties as part of life that everyone goes through

These items have been adapted from the common humanity scale, which measures degree to which you see your own stress and suffering as part of the human condition.

If you answered 1 or 2, then you would fall into the “feelings of isolation” camp. If you answered 3 or 4, then you fall into the “common humanity” camp.

What does this mean?

The sense of being alone in our suffering is one of the biggest barriers to transforming stress. In reality, there is probably nothing as universal than the experience of stress and, in particular, the uncertainty and disruption that comes with change. However researchers have shown that it’s common to underestimate the stress in other people’s lives and overestimate our own levels of happiness.

This doesn't mean you should deny that you are feeling stressed, however consider that people who feel isolated in their suffering are more likely to become depressed and rely on avoidant coping strategies – including denial, giving up and trying to avoid stressful situations.

Studies have shown that those who are higher on the Common Humanity scale tend to be happier, more resilient, and more satisfied with life. They are more open with struggles and therefore more likely to receive support. They are also more likely to find meaning in adversity, which means they come out of tough times even stronger. It’s like this common humanity outlook places a protective barrier around them as they’re also less likely to experience burnout at work.

If you find yourself slipping into the feelings of isolation land. Don’t beat yourself up, instead take a moment to reground yourself.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you are thoughts and emotions come to mind. Then consider that this source of suffering is part of the human experience. Just like you, countless other people know this stress, pain, regret sadness, injustice, anger or fear. It might help to bring an example to mind – perhaps not someone who’s situation is identical to yours but that is feeling the same kind of pain as you. How might this challenge be affecting them? Allow yourself to step into their shoes and feel what they feel.

May we all know our own strength!

How did that feel?

Remember, you are not alone.